(30 Days of Truth – Day 2 – Something you regret not having done last year)
Today’s topic is regret. Not just regret in general but regret for something I did not do in 2010. I stared for hours at this blank piece of paper. Ok, it’s a blank Word document but you know what I mean. Anyway, I had no idea what I would write about today. I thought about it last night and this morning but nothing of substance was coming to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a shit ton of regrets about things I didn’t do last year but I’m not sure I want to share them so publically. Well, not yet anyway. In looking ahead at the upcoming topics, I see that I’ll probably be writing about some of those things anyway. We can all share in my neurosis and self-psychoanalysis at that time.
After some time spent painting our home office this morning, I finally realized what I regretted most about not doing last year. If you know us then you know we’ve been talking about this little home improvement project for a long time, a very long time. We’ve cancelled other plans and declined offers to social events so we could ‘work on the office’. It’s been our go-to phrase for months. We’ve actually talked about what we want to do since we moved in over a year ago. We knew we wanted to rip up the carpet and put down laminate flooring. We knew we wanted new office furniture from Ikea. We knew we wanted to design the room to be modern and functional. We knew we wanted to make it one giant vision board. We measured and plotted what we wanted. And then we did nothing. We didn’t buy furniture, we didn’t by flooring and we didn’t buy paint. We just kept right on living with the room just the way it was.
A few months ago we finally decided to take the first step and check out the laminate at Lowe’s. We knew we didn’t want to spend a lot on the flooring, it’s just the office and won’t get a lot of traffic. We picked the one we wanted and made notes for when we were ready to come back and make the purchase. Well, fate had a different plan for us. As we were walking out of the flooring department, Gil spotted a stack of laminate sitting in the aisle, marked down. Way down. Like half the price of the flooring we had just picked out. The deal was made even better when Gil asked the sales guy to confirm the price and he not only confirmed it but marked it down even further. SWEET! Since it was such a bargain, we had to go ahead and make the purchase right then and there. We took a little detour by the paint counter and the next thing you know, we had all we needed for the remodel part of the office transformation. A couple of days later we stopped by Ikea and bought the furniture. We were all set with everything we needed to complete our project.
Sounds promising, right? Not so much. Gil and I can be the king and queen of lazy. We blame each other when it happens but I know I’m more to blame than he is. You know that feeling on Saturday morning when you sit on the couch to drink your coffee, maybe catch up on some DVR recordings, or maybe even to watch some football. Our problem is that we start our day with good intentions and then never get off that couch. Next thing you know, it’s dark outside, we are ordering pizza or Chinese delivery and we have completely lost a day that could have been used in much more productive ways. Did you notice in the last paragraph when I mentioned we bought the stuff months ago? Yeah, the flooring and furniture has been taking up space in our garage for months.
Not getting started on, much less completing, the office fix up is my biggest regret this year because I feel like I failed my husband. And here’s why. Gil works from home. Our home office is also his work office. He’s been stuck at this tiny desk in this cluttered and grimy room for over a year. I feel terrible about this because I would NEVER tolerate this at my work office. I am so totally OCD when it comes to my work space, at work. But at home, my desk/computer area is complete chaos, discarded food wrappers, cat combs with fur still in the teeth, unopened mail, magazines, to-do lists that never get done, empty soda cans, etc. You get the picture here, right? And I could care less. It doesn’t bother me one little bit. I can’t explain this crazy behavior, and oh do I know it’s crazy…mostly because Gil reminds me of it often, in the most loving of ways, of course. I think I realized today that my indifference toward the home space may have contributed to my inability to turn good intentions into good deeds. How horrible does that make me? That’s a rhetorical question that does not require a response or comment below for those of you ready to hang me out to dry. Yes, Gil, I’m talking to you.
I no longer want to live “a life with good intentions”. I want to start “living an intentional life”, today, with you, my dear, wonderful husband. I am so sorry. I should have made your comfort and space a priority months ago. I want this room to be a place you can escape, work, and be truly inspired to write as often as your heart tells you to. I have always wanted to be your muse but I think once we see this room become all the things you envision it to be, I believe it will become more than the room in which you do work from eight to five. I want to see this space as a creative realm, a gallery of ideas and a true writer’s studio for you. A place where we can create, plan, and execute all those things we want to do together, and keep to an absolute minimum any regrets we may have for this year.