Posted in 30 Days of Truth, Post A Day Challenge

Tyler Perry – God’s Messenger?

(30 Days of Truth – Day 3 – Something with which you struggle)

Whenever I’m wronged, be it real or imaginary, intentional or by accident, I struggle letting that go. I struggle with forgiveness. I’ve held onto grudges for months, for years, even for decades. I blame my mother for passing this little character flaw on to me. When it comes to forgiveness, I’m completely paralyzed. I’m incapable of moving on from some hurts. Don’t get me wrong, this is not always the case. Sometimes it’s easy to shrug it off and forget. I can forgive, I am capable of it. There are just some times when I can’t and I don’t know why that is. Hell, I’m still mad at my best friend from elementary school who ditched me for the cool kids when we transferred to a new middle school. See….it’s bad. It’s very bad.

We can all be hurt but so many different people and in so many different ways. What do you do when it’s your family who hurt you? How do you let go when you know it’s not intentional but the same behavior happens again and again? It’s your family. You should forgive and move on right? What if you can’t? What if every time you think about this situation the pain you feel manifests and completely blinds you to what you know you should do.

What do you do when it’s a friend? Not a best friend, but someone you care about, admire and have a genuine affection for? What if one day, they don’t like you anymore? What if one day, they turn hostile, accuse you of things you haven’t done? Do you talk to them and ask what happened? That seems like the logical thing to do right?  Not for me. This is where I’m broken. I hate confrontation. Nothing frightens me more. Nothing. I would rather hold on to the hurt and anger and let it fester. I would rather lose that person altogether than ask them what happened. What if I ask and they tell me it’s me, that I was the one who did something hurtful to them and this is why they hurt me in return. Maybe my actions simply triggered a fight or flight response in them. If I never ask, I’ll never have to deal with that possible truth. So I don’t ask.

What if someone you care about doesn’t necessarily do a hurtful thing to you but simply disappoints you with their actions. What if you suddenly discover they are not who you thought they were? What if you had ideals about this person and they simply failed to live up to those ideals. This happened to me recently. I’ve struggled letting this go. This friend did not do anything malicious or deceitful or mean. They just didn’t live up to the expectations I had for them. This made me so angry. So hurt. I can’t even explain why this devastated me the way it did. I spent days crying over this. I’ve tried so hard not to be mad, to not be angry, but I just can’t let it go. My solution was to just cut them out of my life. I have so many people around me that constantly surpass their own potential so why would I continue this friendship.

During the past week, I came face to face with two of these people. Let’s call them Thelma  and Louise. I had once had a solid friendship with Thelma and with Louise, a budding new friendship that truly excited me. Both of those relationships came to sudden and abrupt ends.  With both reunions, there was a moment of awkwardness and then with Louise, a feeling of forgiveness. With Thelma, I immediately knew that although we were cordial and friendly to each other, we would never again be friends. I’m ok with that. I still don’t know what caused our little breakup to begin with, and I’m not even sure what forgiveness needs to be granted but I do know I need to let it go. I will continue to struggle with this one.

As for Louise, I realized that I need to say “I forgive you”, if only in a whisper to myself. Louise has no idea that I’ve been angry. How could she, I’ve never said a word. I did have a recent conversation with another friend and she doled out some advice that I didn’t want to hear. I did not want to hear it one bit. I told her that I was ready to tell Louise how I felt. She asked me why? My immediate response was so that I would feel better, so that I could let go of the anger and move on.  I told her that Louise needed to know so that she could recognize the bad behavior and possibly correct it going forward. Maybe Louise didn’t even know she did anything wrong. Maybe by telling her, I could change her life for the better.  My friend said to me that if I told Louise that she had hurt me, it would do nothing but cause her pain in return. (Humph. What does she know anyway?)

Now fast forward one day. Yes, ONE day. I’m watching the movie The Family That Prays and thinking that Tyler Perry is a GD genius. I’m loving the story and then the line he wrote for me – yes, he wrote this entirely for me to hear – presented in a scene.

“You can’t make yourself happy by bringing misery to other people.”

Well now. Dear God, I hear you loud and clear. You sent one person to warn me not to confront Louise, but when you had Tyler Perry deliver the message, I knew this was serious. I almost immediately began to let go just a little. I haven’t entirely forgotten the hurt but I’m certainly letting it go. I’m learning how to forgive from within myself. I’m learning that I don’t have to hurt others to make my pain go away.

I know that asking God to help me let go and help me forgive is the answer. I know that when He feels that I’m ready, He will lift those burdens from me. However, I also know that God gives us freewill and I often feel that the devil is trying to gain control of my will. I feel that he is poking me and agitating me and keeping me riled up with anger and hostility. I’m tired of feeling like I’m being eaten from the inside out. Nothing good can ever come from holding onto this hatred, hurt and pain.  I’m embarrassed that I struggle with this and I don’t share it with many people so let’s just keep it between us. OK?

Now I’m going to ask you for help. How do you let go? Please take a moment to offer me some advice. Tell me a personal story. I want to know if you, too, struggle with forgiveness or letting go. Leave me a comment, shoot me an email or message me on FB or Twitter. Do you have a favorite quote? Do you recite a specific mantra when you feel wronged? What exercises do you do to help you let go? Sometimes knowing that you are not alone can be a huge help so I would like to hear your story. How do you know when you’ve forgiven?

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Author:

Animal lover, music junkie, wife of @danaCreative. I'm on a mission to find my authentic self. Love supporting worthy charities and causes however I can.

12 thoughts on “Tyler Perry – God’s Messenger?

  1. Babe,

    Relationships are like seedlings. Some grow to be mighty red woods, tall and forever enduring. Others, meanwhile, get washed away with the first inclement weather of the season. As we’ve learned time and time again, everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason some relationships last while others simply fade away.

    There is a lyric from Billy Joel that I turn to whenever I find myself facing the end of something that was. “So many faces in and out of my life, some will last, some will just be now and then. Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes, I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again.”

    Still, learning to let go and forgive allows us to unencumber ourselves from the burdens that weigh us down and prevent us from experiencing the positive things in life. I think getting these thoughts out is a wonderfully courageous step on your part, and I know it’s only going to be easier for you going forward.

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    1. Thank you, baby. Your words of encouragement mean so much to me. Thank you for tolerating my inability to let go sometimes. You know I never have a problem completely forgetting and forgiving when it comes to our relationship. Maybe there’s a correlation to the amount of love in my heart for someone and my ability to forgive them. Maybe with these other relationships, I just don’t love enough. Maybe it’s just easier to say goodbye than to fight for the friendship?

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  2. Hi Lee,

    The phrase I try to remember is “people are generally doing the best they can with what they’ve got.” So when I am angry, it helps me to remember there is a human being on the other side, imperfect like me, but generally with the best of intentions. I have found forgiveness to be one of the most healing things I can do for myself.

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    1. Regina, thanks for sharing this with me. One of my flaws is that I tend to expect too much from people so it’s hurtful when they don’t deliver, when they disappoint. I have actually tried this method and it does seem to help me sometimes. I think I’ll have to add it to my mantra and possibly to my next vision board.

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  3. I find that for me personally, letting go or moving on from things or people are some of the hardest things that i’ve faced in life, and that i’m sure other people have encountered in their life. Sometimes we have to do what’s right for our life, instead of what our heart wants. I know there are people in my life that I’d love to be alot closer to then I am at the moment, but there are various obstacles in the way of that path.

    When I’m feeling down about things, there is one song I often turn too. Let It be by The Beatles has often been an anthem to my darkest moments. Sometimes when I’m unable to change things, despite the best intentions in the world, that song helps me to put things into perspective.

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  4. Daniel, thanks for the feedback. I feel the same way in that it’s hard. Maybe that’s what’s holding me back. Maybe it’s harder to hold onto the hurt than to let it go. Let It Be is one of those songs that always catches my attention when it’s playing but I’ve never put much concentration into it. I will go immediately and do that now. Thanks for the suggestion and for sharing what works for you.

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  5. I heard a sermon that changed all of this for me. It was about the line in the Lord’s prayer that says, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. ” The priest basically said, how can we expect forgiveness from God, knowing that he fully gives it to anyone who repents, if we are not willing to give it as well. Basically, it settled in my heart as, I don’t deserve to be forgiven for the things I’ve done wrong, if I’m not willing to forgive others.

    While this helped, it doesn’t mean it’s always easy. I really struggle forgiving my own mother, for many offenses on a daily basis. Sometimes, I feel like I’ll never get it under control, but I continue to try because I know I would want her forgiveness if the tables were turned.

    Great post, Lee! xoxo!

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  6. I have tried to envision my disappointments with friends and family as material items. If each of your upset feelings were a billiard ball, and you have to carry each one around in a backpack all day long, it would surely weigh you down and effect your life. I don’t feel like carrying all that crap around with me all day, so its just easier to just let it go and give it to God. Let him deal with it.

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  7. WoW, I’ve been waiting for something deep[to share] to come…but it hasn’t. Perhaps I NEEDED this more than I knew. YOU are obviously a messenger as well.
    May God truly bless you on your journey.
    And THANK YOU!

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