On Friday I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Mommy Wants Vodka, written by Aunt Becky. The particular blog post I was reading was about some crazy love letters Aunt Becky’s friend had received in college. Well, I, too, received one such letter and I can’t think of a better time to share it with you than Valentine’s Day Eve.
I had been seeing this guy for a few weeks when he showed up at my job on Valentine’s Day 2005 with this letter and a basket filled with goodies. He hugged and kissed me, wished me a happy Valentine’s Day and was gone, leaving me to read the letter and explore the basket on my own. THANK GAWD!!!
Dear Miss Lee,
When Hallmark can’t get it right, speak from your heart. Such a short time has passed and there is the realization that you’re a very special lady. My mind is stayed upon you, and my heart misses you when your away. There is a strength that comes from you I have seen in no other, a fortitude to prevail inspite of circumstances. So much to be said about what I see. It would not be justifiable to settle for just flowers, a card, and a kiss.
Ok, he got major point deductions for the misspelled words and sentence fragments. And did you catch the part earlier where I said we had been seeing each other for a few WEEKS??? Not months or years, but WEEKS. Oh but wait, it gets better. Here’s where the fun begins.
Each of the items contained in this basket are a representation of what I wish for you and us, should you decide I am worthy of all that you are. Flowers – like your heart, in all of their spendor & beauty be handled delicately, lovingly, so that they would ever bloom with vibrancy of life.
Yes, he did include a lovely bouquet of fresh cut flowers. Promising.
Words of encouragement when life seems to be a bit more of a struggle: STRIVE for all that is right in life and you will be blessed above all of those cut corners and don’t consider the end result of their ways! TEAMWORK – the cohesion that will bring us closer in times of trouble.
You know those motivational posters you see hanging in offices around the world, yeah, that’s what he gave me. One that said Strive and one that said Teamwork. Nice 8×10 suckers, too. Uhuh, those went right up on my office wall. NOT!
Gum – that you may always know the freshness of the air of life.
I think it was a pack of Jucy Fruit, my favorite, of course. Hubby thinks this guy was trying to tell me that I had bad breath.
Bandages – that the wounds of the past would be healed and the scars would be rememberances of lessons learned, also they will help the kitty scratches go away.
There were not your run of the mill, generic bandages. These were infused with Neosporin to speed the healing. Fancy stuff! And indeed, they did help the kitty scratches heal faster. And the paper cuts. It’s funny how I seemed to always associate him with scabby wounds after that day.
Perfume – that you may always be a sweet aroma to those that encounter your life, and be changed by it.
HUH? And yeah, it was some cheap body splash from CVS, too. And what the heck was wrong with my aroma in the first place.
Nutrition bar – that you may always stay healthy as to enjoy longevity, the world needs you.
I have no words for this one.
Chapstick – I just love your soft lips and the Florida sun is harsh on one’s skin.
Does anyone still use actual Chapstick anymore?
Razors – that you may always have a smooth path for me.
Deoderant – that others would want you around.
Maybe hubby is right and I had an issue with my personal hygiene back then. More misspelling deductions.
Wine and beer- that we would share and always know the joys and frivolity of life.
A Bud Light and screw top single serve bottle of wine does not exactly scream romance.
I appreciate that I can share my heart with you as a friend and my soul with you as a lover. Lee, thank you for allowing me the chance to win you. I will always give you my best and never fail or faulter. My hope is that you will mark this momentous occasion, in your heart and mind knowing that this is one of those life altering moments that could be a beginning!
Sincerely a man who desires your heart,
So? Did you all just throw up in your mouths a little bit? I bet you did. And believe it or not, this guy was FOR REALS. He had been building up this gift for days. And let me tell you, when he dropped it off at my office that morning, he was quite pleased with himself. But really?!? Are there women out there who would actually fall for this madness? Please tell me no. I can tell you for sure that I am not one of them. Mr. Crazy Love was steadfastly kicked to the curb.
The good news is that whatever aromatic issues I had at the time must have worked themselves out because when I met Gil, the next day I might add, he didn’t seem to have any problems at all with my aromas.