Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the driving force behind Catholicism WOW, Cardinal Glick.
Cardinal Glick: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we all know how the majority and the media in this country view the Catholic church. They think of us as a passe, archaic institution. People find the Bible obtuse… even hokey. Now in an effort to disprove all that the church has appointed this year as a time of renewal… both of faith and of style. For example, the crucifix. While it has been a time honored symbol of our faith, Holy Mother Church has decided to retire this highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing image of our Lord crucified. Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies… He came to help us out. He was a booster. And it is with that take on our Lord in mind that we’ve come up with a new, more inspiring sigil. So it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first of many revamps the “Catholicism WOW. ” campaign will unveil over the next year. I give you… The Buddy Christ. Now that’s not the sanctioned term we’re using for the symbol, just something we’ve been kicking around the office, but look at it. Doesn’t it… pop? Buddy Christ…
Gil surprised me with a gift today, and the fact that he ordered this for me does indeed confirm he really knows me. I squealed with joy when I saw the box sitting on my desk, and then proceeded to rip it open like a child on Christmas morning. I think it was 30 minutes later before I put my new Buddy Christ statue down.
One of my Top 5 favorite movies is the movie Dogma. Kevin Smith is a genius, pure and simple. He proved that with the casting of Alanis Morrissette as God. I understand Dogma may be very offensive to some, but as with anything, you have to take it for what it is. I choose to take it as a theatrical masterpiece. Ok, maybe not a masterpiece but it is damn funny. And, there’s the message that’s sometimes hard to see behind the foul language, nudity and blasphemy. But just ignore those things and watch it anyway. Then, watch it again. You will appreciate it much more once you aren’t pissed off anymore.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name – wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
Bethany: Having beliefs isn’t good?
Rufus: I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can’t generate. Life becomes stagnant.
Metatron: Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God’s true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.
Serendipity: I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don’t celebrate your faith; you mourn it.
Serendipity: When are you people going to learn? It’s not about who’s right or wrong. No denomination’s nailed it yet, and they never will because they’re all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn’t matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up.
Bartleby: The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don’t even believe He exists. And in spite of it all, He’s shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn.
And finally, the reason I will always say “bless you” after a sneeze:
[to the female board member]
Loki: You’re a pure soul… but you didn’t say “God bless you” when I sneezed.
[raises his gun to the female board member’s head]
Loki: [angrily] You’re getting off light.
[as he leaves the board room]
Loki: You’re so lucky.